what is innate & everchanging

by charlie

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1.
boy in field 05:57
& in the stone field stands a tired boy & in the mountain there is man he’s quite pathetic & analytical he doesn't know what to do with his hands & the boy heard a story of an oxen he didn't know he was strong horns are pretty intimidating & human bodies are pretty soft & the boy thought i am tired i am strong i am human & i am soft great grandfather would carry boulders on his bare broken back so he thought about that & he thought about the man he may one day be & how he really doesn't know what that means thought he'd see it on TV so he laid down & he thought i just want to be me for I am tired i am strong i am human i am soft
2.
Mount Horrid 05:15
the parking lot was an edifice don’t leave your car someone will break in & then came the thunder heads coming down from Mount Horrid coming down after coming out i felt supported the sky It turned orange & the green mountains were blue back then & just for a moment i felt something unconditional (wind coming off the mountains)
3.
(back in april when my voice was different) can’t you see i'm lying at the foot of the bed im just trying to settle down im trying not to let you down so many things i tried to keep in trust me i did but there’s so many times i resorted to my fists to cry & i screamed at the world & i tried to fly & i brought all my old friends outside & i lived an unsettling life & i lived a thousand times so today i'd like to try to remember the losing times the grass field where i tried to hide the timothy too tall i packed it down & i felt small & i hid on the inside of the world & i felt like i wasn't a girl & i tried to hide all the thoughts i was fed by all those people brought my books & i knew why i didn't want to be so blueberry eyed blonde haired ringlets god how the time flies where did that girl go like she left me behind with those strawberries they weren't ripe at the time but i waited now look at them redder than the reddest sight you'd ever see redder than the inside of your cheek so thank you for leaving those strawberries nothing else i didn't want your time
4.
earth grown 04:08
i brushed off the soil & knelt down finding myself in doubt & in the deep inky water where i washed my hands off it made my skin soft & that old stomach seemed to go away as my neck grew thick & hair course & body solid
5.
bone & wool 02:55
this life culls to the one i owe to the narrow frame of what stays the same & if the violent wind took me to the emerald sea maybe then the wooden gun cabinet wouldn't look so dusty & i am building homes of bone & skin & wool & among the planted oak there is every plank i’ve climbed to swallow every sunrise
6.
petroglyph 02:57
like an artifice of what is left of my femininity i brought the scissors to my neck & allowed it to leave me my eyes red from the guilty salinity it's just an artifact it's just an artifice it's just a petroglyph
7.
8.
& i fell down searching around these mountains trying to figure myself out & when i reached the precipice i had already shed my skin & peeled off the labels id been given though i was still haunted so i asked the ghost to leave she was the women everyone thought i would be & i just want to make my grandfather proud & bring the earthworms back to the soils of my hometown though i was once haunted the ghost did finally leave she was the women i would never be & when she finally left i saw myself standing right in front of me so here i stand here i am a powerful man

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released January 5, 2018

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charlie Vermont

a native vermonter living on an island exploring stories & feelings trough sound & visuals
-- narratives of agriculture, antenatal memories, & gender traversing voyages

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